3 March 2010

Things have been super busy with work and all and me being super tired. Paul has been busy patrolling and working on his biology course. Logan is doing well. He is a wonderful caring little boy. He is the light of our life!

I was sick on last wednesday. I was very nauseaus and had a headache all day. Then I was super excited about last weekend because Angela was flying in thursday night and Jen and Nate on Friday and we were scrapbooking all day Friday and Saturday and part of Sunday. Thursday night Angela's flight was delayed and she got in at 2140 (9:40 PM for Barb) instead of 1850 (6:50PM). I went to pick her up and we had a great visit till around midnight and then it was bed time. Logan woke us up at 0600 on Friday. I got up and fed him and showered and then took him to daycare at 0730. Then Angela and I puttered around for a bit and then headed to Barb's for a wonderful day of scrapbooking. We had the best day ever. I finished my Europe mini album and did at least 10 layouts. Then Barb made us awesome quesadillas for supper. Then Gill and Jen showed up at 1900 (7PM) and we were totally surprised because we didn't think they were coming till saturday so we were super happy. I was feeling a little off that night so I left at 2230 to go home and get some sleep. Logan was still up when I got home so was nice to hang out with him for a bit because I was a little worried that he thought I had went away because Daddy picked him up from daycare and he didn't see me till late. He was super happy to see me.

Then Saturday I got up and hung out with Paul and Logan for a bit. Then I headed back over to Barb's. Barb made awesome Monkey Buns. I loved them alot!!! We had a great day. There was Gill, Jen, Barb, Angela and me. I wasn't as creative as Friday but it was super fun to visit and scrapbook and I made some cards. Then we went out to the Old House for Supper and I had some spotting. I didn't know if it was a big deal or anything and then when we got back to Barb's just before 2200 I had way more spotting and lots of blood in the toilet so I called Paul and Angela, Gill and Jen went to our house to watch Logan in case he woke up. Barb, Paul and I went to emerg. They did a blood test to verify that I was pregnant. We waited for a long time and then finally saw the doctor at 0130. He asked me alot of questions and then wanted me to sleep there but said it was my choice. The room was very cold and the bed was crappy. I was exhausted, and didn't want to be alone so I chose to go home with Paul. The Doctor did a pelvic exam and told me that I could be having an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage, or I was fine and the bleeding was normal. We didn't know what to think. He wanted us to come in Sunday for an ultrasound. We got home just after 0200 and Angela headed home with Barb. I slept till 0700 when Logan woke us up and then I got up and Paul made me some eggs and toast. Then the hospital called at 1000 and told us to come in for the ultrasound. We went in for the ultrasound and the ultrasound tech said there was something wrong but wouldn't tell me anything. Then we saw the doctor and he said that my HCG hormone level was only 5000. We found out that I was 11 weeks pregnant and that we conceived at the end of December. My level should have been 80000. This combined with the abnormal ultrasound showed that I miscarried. The Doctor needed to a D&C to analyze the fetal tissue to rule out a "molar Pregnancy". If it is a molar pregnancy we can't get pregnant for a year. We will know in less than 10 days. He doesn't think that was it. He thinks it is just a miscarriage which happens in 25% of all pregnancies. Then they did the D&C and Paul picked me up at 1715 from the hospital. My throat is still very sore from the breathing tube since they put you right out for the surgery. I had no cramping or pain with the miscarriage which also added to my confusion. The weekend started out as the best weekend ever with my girlfriends and then ended up the worst ever losing our baby. We are doing alright. I definitely have my ups and downs. I will be fine one minute and then crying the next. I know we will be better with time. Hopefully we can try again in a couple of months.

I am on a week of sick leave 1-5 March which is helping alot to just be at home and grieve. Paul was home Monday and Tuesday and that really helped. He was also exhausted from the weekend. I work this Sunday and start my shifts. I do four 12 hour days and then have 5 and a bit off. I am looking forward to that. I think it will be better since I like the job as well.

On Monday Barb brought over flowers, and Rolly & Robyn and Mom & Dad H also sent flowers. They were all lovely. Thank you all so much. Yesterday Camille brought me flowers too. Barb, Angela, Jen and Gill have been amazing throughout this ordeal and I am so lucky to have them. Paul has been my rock and has been so wonderful throughout.

We know it was for the best if there was a problem with the baby. I wish I had known that I was pregnant sooner because I would have been more careful but I know that probably wouldn't have made a difference. The only easy thing about this is that we only "knew" we were pregnant for the last 3 weeks. I would have been way worse if I knew all along and then lost the baby at 11 weeks. We were due around Sept 11 2010. We did love the baby already so that is also hard.

I'm sore everywhere. I feel like I was in a car accident. One day at a time though. I know we will be alright.

Love always, Rae-Lynn Paul & Logan.